Support for Cancer Patients That Caregivers Should Know: What to Do, Say & Avoid
- Amy Bennett
- May 27
- 3 min read
Updated: Jun 3
When someone you love is diagnosed with cancer, your first instinct is to help. But caregiving can be overwhelming—especially when you’re unsure of what to say, do, or avoid.
As an oncology nurse and cancer care advocate, I’ve supported hundreds of patients and their families through cancer treatment. I’ve seen firsthand how meaningful caregiver support can be—not just medically, but emotionally and mentally as well. This guide is here to help you show up with confidence, clarity, and compassion.
Going through cancer yourself? You might want to read this instead: 7 Signs You Might Need More Support During Cancer
What Caregivers Can Do to Support a Loved One with Cancer
Support for cancer patients starts with presence, empathy, and flexibility. Here’s how to make a difference without overstepping boundaries.
1. Be Present—Even in Silence
Your presence alone can be deeply comforting. Whether you’re sitting quietly during treatment, helping with errands, or just checking in consistently, showing up matters more than saying the perfect thing.
2. Ask Before You Act
Skip vague offers like “Let me know if you need anything.” Instead, ask specific, low-pressure questions like:
“Would it help if I came with you to your next appointment?”
“Can I grab groceries or run errands this week?”
“Would you like help organizing medications or tracking side effects?”
“Can I help care for the kids or pets while you rest?”
“Would you like me to take notes during your next doctor’s visit?”
Let your loved one lead the way. Respect their preferences, whether they need space or support.
3. Learn About Their Diagnosis—Gently
Taking the time to understand their type of cancer and treatment shows you care. But avoid flooding them with articles or unsolicited research. Ask first: “Would you like me to look into this with you?”
4. Respect Their Choices
Even if you would choose differently, your role is to support—not steer—their decisions. Hold space for conversations, but let them remain in control of their care.
5. Encourage Self-Advocacy
If they feel overwhelmed at appointments or unsure what to ask, offer to help prepare questions, take notes, or connect them with a cancer care advocate (like me). A patient advocate can bridge the gap between fear and clarity.
What to Say to a Loved One with Cancer
It’s not about having the right words—it’s about being real and compassionate.
Try saying:
“I’m here for whatever you need—no pressure.”
“You don’t have to be strong all the time.”
“How are you feeling today, really?”
“Would you like to talk about it or take a break from it all?”
“You don’t owe me an explanation—I just want to support you.”
What to Avoid Saying or Doing
Even the most well-meaning comments can unintentionally cause harm. Here’s what to steer clear of:
1. Avoid Toxic Positivity
Phrases like “Stay positive!” or “Everything happens for a reason” can feel dismissive. Instead, acknowledge the hard stuff: “This sounds so hard. I’m here with you.”
2. Don’t Compare Cancer Journeys
No two diagnoses are the same. Avoid saying things like, “My cousin had that and she’s fine now,” or worse, sharing horror stories. Focus on their experience.
3. Don’t Offer Unsolicited Advice
Unless asked, avoid suggesting diets, supplements, or alternative treatments. It can overwhelm and make the patient feel blamed or pressured.
4. Don’t Center Your Own Emotions
It’s okay to feel afraid—but try not to make every interaction about your feelings. Seek support for yourself too, so you can show up more fully for them.
How I Support Caregivers as a Cancer Patient Advocate
As a cancer care advocate, I don’t just support patients—I also guide caregivers. I help you understand what your loved one is going through, how to communicate effectively, and what resources are available to you both. Whether it’s navigating side effects, coordinating appointments, or just knowing what to say—I’m here to help ease the burden so you can show up with confidence and compassion.
Support for cancer patients includes supporting the people who love them. As a cancer care advocate, I guide caregivers through:
Understanding the patient’s diagnosis and treatment
Communicating effectively with healthcare teams
Managing the logistics of care (appointments, medications, updates)
Holding space for grief, uncertainty, and emotional overwhelm
If you’re a caregiver, I’m here to help you feel more confident and less alone.
📥 Download the Caregiver Support Cheat Sheet, a printable guide designed for caregivers who want to show up with intention and heart.
Final Thoughts: Caregiving Is an Act of Love
There’s no perfect script when someone you love has cancer. But showing up with curiosity, compassion, and patience can mean everything.
If you’re unsure how to support your loved one—or just need help understanding what’s next—reach out. I offer free advocacy consults to caregivers, too.
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